5 Clever Ways To Instantly Boost Your Popularity
Making friends as an adult is often harder than most of us have expected, and if you're on the lookout for ways to instantly boost your popularity with scientifically-backed strategies, we've got you covered. For starters, your desire to be well-liked in social settings is nothing unusual says clinical child and adolescent psychologist Mitch Prinstein; it's actually primal. When speaking to the American Psychology Association, Prinstein explained, "A lot of mammalian species are interested in that kind of power, dominance, and visibility because it gets you access to more resources, food, or mating partners, and our brains are acting like other mammals' brains."
While the need for popularity may not directly correlate with survival in modern society, boosting your likability can have a number of other benefits, including helping you expand your social circle, attracting romantic partners, and even enhancing your professional opportunities.
Furthermore, as what constitutes popularity for adults differs from the adolescent understanding of the concept, becoming more popular might actually be easier than it was when you were in high school. For example, research has shown that the most attractive trait a man can have is compassion, superseding the allure of playing hard to get. Similarly, when you're a kind person with great listening skills, you'll definitely garner more fans than you did when you were younger. Here are five clever ways to instantly boost your popularity as an adult.
Be a bit mysterious
We've all been intrigued by that individual who seems to have it all together but remains an enigma. If not that, you've likely been captivated by a mysterious fictional character whose arc has yet to unfold, leaving you eager to find out more. The thing is, human beings are subconsciously drawn to the unknown, driven by the thrill of discovering what lies beneath the surface, especially in romantic and social contexts.
A 2010 study published by Psychological Science demonstrated the allure of mystery through a simple social experiment. While the researchers set out to show that people like those who reciprocate their feelings the most, they discovered that uncertainty can generate the same level of interest. The 47 women who participated reported the highest interest in men when they were unsure about how much those men liked them — the women also thought about these men the most. Although the experiment focused on romantic interest, the same principle can be applied to social settings — adding mystery to your allure is guaranteed to intrigue others and boost your popularity.
If you're a naturally open person, keeping to yourself might be challenging at first. Still, not everyone needs to know everything about you the very second they meet you, nor do you need to share every detail of your day on social media. By maintaining an air of mystery, you'll keep people guessing and arouse their interest in no time.
Keep a positive outlook on life
Being an overall positive person is bound to be reflected in your life in general, including in interpersonal connections. Naturally, everyone turns to their friends for comfort at certain low points in their lives, which isn't something you should ever shy away from. However, if you constantly exude negativity, it's common sense that not many people will enjoy your energy. As the popular saying points out, "birds of a feather flock together," meaning that people of the same mindset will often find themselves spending time with each other.
According to Dr. Rebecca Schwartz-Mette, an associate professor of clinical and developmental psychology at the University of Maine, negative individuals can easily drag others down with them. "Co-rumination is basically when people get together and talk excessively about everything that's going wrong and how bad they feel," she explained when speaking to News in Health. Dr. Schwartz-Mette continued, "With that person, they feel understood, validated, and that this person is emotionally close to them. But they get more depressed because they're focusing their attention on negative things."
So, if you want people to feel good about spending time with you, try to focus on the positive aspects of life. Again, not every occasion will allow for complete positivity, but you can at least try to avoid being negative. Not only will you ultimately feel better, but you'll definitely have more people itching to talk to you.
Always be kind to others (and yourself)
Being a mean girl has never been cool, despite what Y2K movies might have suggested (we're looking at you, Regina George). Notably, according to a 2012 study published by PLoS ONE, kindness actually leads to more popularity. In the study, researchers observed kids aged 9 to 11 over four weeks. One group was told to do three acts of kindness per week, while the other group was asked to visit three places. Ultimately, the results showed that children who practiced kindness were more accepted by their peers than the visiting-tasked group.
The trait can only be appreciated more by adults who've, hopefully, overcome any beliefs that kindness is a weakness, meaning that the goodness of your heart is going to be a desirable trait on your social networking resume. Having empathy for others and being kind is also more likely to make you more attractive to others, and not just more popular, per a 2016 study published by the British Psychological Society.
But being kind to yourself first is crucial. Treat yourself with the same compassion you would offer a friend. Negative self-talk can rarely, if ever, result in anything good and may even cause you to project negative feelings onto other people. Therefore, self-kindness is essential if you want to boost your popularity.
Confidence is key
You can instantly boost your popularity by being confident, even though the connection might not seem obvious at first. In addition to the mental health benefits of high self-esteem, confidence is key for many things in life, from attracting romantic partners to landing the job you want, and it can also help you be more likable in general.
A study published in the Journal of Neuroscience in 2017 found that human brains are actually wired to respond to confident individuals: When you display confidence, others are more likely to take your beliefs and actions into consideration. In other words, even if you're not doing something of objective significance, it will likely be perceived as such if you do it confidently.
However, not everyone is inherently confident. If that describes you, worry not, because the saying "fake it 'til you make it" holds some truth. Confidence can be emulated in a number of simple ways, starting with your body language. Just maintaining eye contact when talking to people will give the impression that you are sure of yourself, even when that's not the case. Standing up straight and taking your time when speaking can also make you appear more secure, so don't rush through your words.
Listen without the intent to reply
Another clever way for people to subconsciously like you more is to master the art of listening. Many people often listen to others with the intent to respond rather than to truly understand, which often results in a lack of empathy and can come across as insensitive.
Interestingly, a Harvard Business Review analysis came to the conclusion that being an active listener can indeed have a positive effect on how others perceive you. The data review highlighted that great listeners were deemed more supportive, attentive, and cooperative, and made their conversation partners feel more valued and uplifted. All of these traits naturally boost your popularity, as people are drawn to those who make them feel good.
Still, effective listening isn't about staying completely silent while the other person talks; it's about actively showing interest and engagement. You can incorporate subtle, audible confirmations like "mhm," along with nods, to assure the speaker that their words are being heard. Additionally, validating the speaker's experiences and feelings helps establish a safe environment for communication, which will quickly make you a favorite in social settings.